Venting about my current non-jobs

As mentioned previously, I teach in an online setting.  All of my student contact is done via the internet.  The only way my supervisor has to determine that I am actually doing a good job is through web generated reports.  I spent probably 6 hours yesterday working on updating things for my classroom.  The report she was given this morning said that I had not logged into my classroom for an extended series of days.  I said that I did not know why this had happened but I assured her that I was logging into my classroom.

It really takes the wind out of my sails to do a lot of work only to get feedback that I haven't done any, or feel accused that I haven't done any.  Why bust my ass then?  The administration only looks at reports, not student results or what is posted in the classes.  Why is the metric to log in each day.  I could log in and do nothing. Logging in doesn't mean that I've actually helped a student or updated course content or graded effectively. 

I disagree that my usefulness should be based solely on whether or not I have logged in to my classes.

Also, I have been doing ebay auctions to get rid of excess junk and also to make a little money.  I recently had a person complain that the old iPhone I listed was not the exact type listed in the auction.  They want to keep the phone and they want me to pay them back the entire money that they paid me.  Basically, they want me to pay them to keep my phone.  I'm not doing it folks.  Just not.  I wasn't born yesterday.  The phone works and is fine.

All this is increasing my stress level which is already elevated by making a huge leap into starting med school.  I am tempted to quit both, and just live solely on student loans.

Economics of getting into Ross

To all applying to Ross, here is what will be required of you financially once you get accepted.  This is before you get a student loan refund, so it will be out of pocket.  I bought ALL books required and recommended.  This is not suggested by most students but I did anyway.  Plane ticket may vary.  I have not included the excess baggage fees for the airline or the cost to ship items to myself on the island as I have not done this yet.  ALL students need to do a student visa unless you are a Bahamanian citizen.  I thought this was just for non-Americans but I was wrong. The apartment deposit is first months rent, deposit (first months rent), and a $400 electricity turning on fee.  Apparently electricity in the Bahamas runs about $400 per month.

ROSS (SO FAR)
DEPOSIT	$           700.00
PASSPORT	$           170.00
STUDENT VISA	$           100.00
BOOKS	$           618.12
PRINTER ETC	$           350.00
HOUSING DEPOSIT	$        1,800.00
FLIGHT	$           709.59
GROCERIES / EQUIPMENT	$           300.00
		$                  4,747.71

The Economics of getting into Medical School

First of all, I am totally embarrassed to admit that I have spent this money on getting into medical school.  I was in so much denial that I delayed actually adding up the amount because I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW. However, as a service to those who are applying or thinking of applying I thought I would just put it all out there.  I am still somewhat anonymous (so far) in this blog.  If you are thinking of applying to med schools just know that you will almost certainly be requested to submit a secondary application for each school you apply to.  The only schools that I didn't get offered a secondary to had some sort of state residency requirement.  It all started with me taking a Kaplan MCAT prep course.  All in all about $5k was spent to get me one spot in MERP at ROSS.

SCHOOL NAME	AP FEE	SECONDARY FEE	MISC
KAPLAN COURSE			$1,599.00
AT STILL	$32.00	$60.00
CHICAGO COM MIDWEST	$32.00	$50.00
DREXEL	$32.00	$75.00
EAST TENNESSEE	$32.00	$50.00
EDWARD VIA	$32.00	$85.00
FSU	$32.00	$     -
GEORGE WASHINGTON	$32.00	$125.00
HOWARD	$32.00	$75.00
IU	$32.00	$50.00
LECOM BRADENTON	$32.00	$50.00
LOUISVILLE	$32.00	$75.00
LINCOLN DE BUSK	$32.00	$50.00
MARSHALL	$32.00	$50.00
MEDICAL COLLEGE OF WISCONSIN	$32.00	$70.00
MEHARRY	$32.00	$65.00
MOREHOUSE	$32.00	$50.00
OU-COM	$32.00	$40.00
PACIFIC NORTHWEST	$32.00	$       -
PCOM GEORGIA	$32.00	$ 50.00
PCOM PHILY	$32.00	$50.00
PENN* PB ONLY	$32.00	$50.00
PIKEVILLE	$32.00	$75.00
PONCE	$32.00	$100.00
ROCKY VISTA	$32.00	$50.00
ROSALIND FRANKLIN	$32.00	$100.00
ROSS	$32.00	-
SLU	$32.00	$100.00
THE COMMONWEALTH MEDICAL COLLEGE - SCRANTON	$32.00	$100.00
TULANE	$32.00	$100.00
UK	$32.00	$50.00
UNIVERSIDAD DEL CENTRAL CARIBE	$32.00	$50.00
UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI	$32.00	$25.00
UNIVERSITY OF NEW ENGLAND	$32.00	$55.00
UNIVERSITY OF PUERTO RICO	$32.00	$15.00
VANDERBILT	$32.00	$50.00
VIRGINIA TECH CARILION	$32.00	$        -
WEST VIRGINIA	$32.00	$80.00
WESTERN U	$32.00	$65.00
WRIGHT STATE	$32.00	$50.00
TRANSCRIPT REQUESTS			$       560.00
INTERFOLIO FEES			$       193.00
$                                                                                             4,268.00	$1,280.00	$2,235.00	$       753.00

Good things come to those who wait...

Similar to the place I was with Ross a few months ago, I am waiting to hear back from LECOM.  I have called to find out how much of any of the costs sunk so far into Ross are recoverable.

• The $700 deposit is not. 
• The $2,800 housing deposit can come back to me if they rent out the unit in the next ten days.
• With each day that passes and I do not get an answer back from them, the less likely I think this will be.  I find it unlikely that there is a student out there still who will be going to MERP in August who does not yet have housing nailed down.  I have not mentioned it on the MERP Facebook group yet because if I do end up going to MERP I don't want to be labeled as the person who was on the fence about the program. 

• The $700 plane ticket can be canceled but the airline will give me a credit and I will have to use the credit within one year of the original purchase date, and there will be a $160 rescheduling fee for this.   
• The $350 I paid to a current April MERPER for a bike, color printer, fan, and some electronic books - I think I will have to sell these items to a current MERPER which I do not think will be difficult.

Ultimately LECOM is about ~$100k cheaper than Ross, so loosing ~$5k now (while hard), is not that bad in the long term.

I did talk to Kevin who is the new student coordinator for MERP and he said that I could defer admission until November.  I do not want to do that as I would be gone through all of the holidays.  If I don't hear a positive response from LECOM I will still go to Ross.  This is scary to me because I am set to leave Aug.1 which is about a week and a half from now.  If I am to ship any packages to myself I would need to do it Friday or Saturday.

I have tried to communicate this dilemma with the LECOM admissions personnel, JM.

• I called him Wed Afternoon, and he said that the application would go to the committee.  
• I called him Friday morning and he said that the committee had made a decision but he could not tell me which way it was until the dean signed and approved of all the files.  
• I called back Friday afternoon to see if the dean had done so and he said no; and also communicated to me that the notifications would not come out via phone or email but rather by snail mail.  
• I emailed several current and former LECOM folk and they confirmed that this is so.  I anticipate that if they mailed the notice yesterday, Monday, then I will get it Wed. (I hope).
• A former LECOM person told me of another person to call for and I called and asked for this person Monday morning, only to learn that he no longer worked there and was replaced by JM. 
• I called Monday (yesterday) afternoon to see if the signing of letters had gone on, but got JM's voicemail; his voicemail stated that email is a better means of communication for him and so 
• I sent this email

Hi JM,

As you know, I am in somewhat of a unique situation in that I am due to leave out in two weeks for another academic program on August 1.  I have contacted this program and they would like for me to notify them as soon as possible if I choose not to attend their program.  I would prefer the LECOM program to this other one; and so time is of the essence for me at this point.  When we spoke before on the phone, you said that you could not notify anyone of their admission status until the dean of the college had certified the admission committee's decision. 

Has the dean signed these decisions?  If so, are you able to tell me via email or phone which way my application was decided? 

I apologize again for the multiple follow-ups in this matter and understand that you have a busy schedule, however as the time for me to leave is quickly approaching each day sooner where I can get confirmation is critical at this point.

Thanks in advance,



I feel that this email was polite and explains the situation and why I am requesting to be told sooner than is their policy.  I hope that I seemed respectful and polite.  I am starting to worry that my trying to get this information may be jeopardizing my chances, so I decided to just cool it and wait.  I don't want to get a reputation of being too Type A already.  I have yet to get an answer to this email.

If I do not get notice soon, I will still go to MERP and to Ross, and it will be even harder because I will be scrambling at the last minute to get things ready.  I think I can do it, but it will not be the easiest.

So, I'm just waiting and trying to be cool....

I think this is procrastination

So, with three weeks remaining, well two and a half now, before I would leave for MERP (If I go to MERP) I have been feeling the crunch.  Before I left I wanted to do a lot of projects

1. Scan old photos of family and friends to have them on my computer for when I am gone
2. List things on eBay to finance my medical education
3. Get the back yard in a state so it is not too difficult for my husband to care for
4. Box up some of my belongings that will not be used for the duration of MERP/ROSS so they are out of my husband's way
5. Backup my laptop on the external hard drive in case it dies while I'm gone.

I want to get done with these projects soon and would rather just work on them now and hopefully get done with them early and have the remaining weeks to play around.  However, I can't tell if I am using these to actively procrastinate instead of doing worthwhile activities such as pre-study for MERP.

The fact that I "might" not go to MERP has given me a bit of leeway to think that I can sort of waste time on these projects, although I think that they do have some value. 

What do you think?  Time wasting procrastination, or Making my final preparations and getting my affairs in order before a long absence?

Finding an endorser for student loans

Due to circumstances which I do not want to specify here, I am unable to obtain Grad Plus loans myself without an endorser.  Endorsing a loan is similar to co-signing, if the loan holder skips town and fails to pay then you have to pay.  With the loans for med school being an estimated 250-350k that can be a lot of money for someone without a medical degree to pay back.  At the same time, these are government student loans and so you can get deferments if you are unemployed, in school, don't make enough money, etc...  The government has been very kind in working with me on repayment of my current student loans.  They are not loan sharks and will work with the student for repayment.  As I understand it currently, the worst that could happen is they would garnish wages and tax returns if you get behind.  I don't ***think*** but I could be wrong that they don't put liens on your property or reposes your vehicles, business properties, or home. (but I could be wrong or the rules may change in the future; and in fact I can't get a straight answer from them as far as what they do do when you totally skip out on student loans)

So, in order to obtain an endorser for my grad plus loans, I thought it most appropriate to ask my mother (closest family member) to endorse for me.  This ended up in producing several phone calls where she explained her own dire financial circumstances and explained to me how she could not repay the loan, and they would take away my step father's farm equipment, and how they would take away her retirement and kick her out of the nursing home.  Also, that she did not make enough money to pay back the loan.  I told her nevermind and then asked my aunt (her sister).

My aunt, at first said that she would endorse the loan and that is the time that I got the money out of my retirement to pay for MERP.  I wasn't going to get the money out without assurance that I could get loans upon arriving on Dominica.  A few weeks later, she calls me to say that the loan situation is keeping her up at night, and she wanted to talk.  I said sure, understanding that this is a big leap for her.  She first asked, what if I died, or was injured so that I could not work.  I then called direct loans to ask this because I wasn't sure myself.  They said that if I died the family would have to show them a death certificate and they would forgive the loans.  Similarly, if I were permanently disabled I would get a doctor's letter stating this and that I would not be able to work and they would forgive the loans.  I conveyed this to her and she seemed ok with it then.  Several weeks later I get another call that we must talk about the loan situation again.  She explained that she is past middle age and is just now being able to buy her own house and does not want to loose her house and is afraid that she would loose her house.  Also, she said what if I do not get into some of these primary care government programs that repay loans, what would I do then.  To this I said that even if I don't get into those programs then as a doctor I would still make more than enough to repay the loans.  She was then worried about what if I got into med school and decided that this was not for me, and then ended up with the loans what would I do then?  I assured her that I was not going into this lightly.  And indeed it has been my dream since at least high school.  Then I said that even if I can't stand to look at a patient there are lots of other doctor jobs such as working for pharma, writing, reporting, teaching, etc...  All of these pay the equivalent of a regular doctor salary (minus perhaps malpractice insurance).  She also asked if I would make enough money with mal-practice insurance.  I said it just depends on where I practice and my specialty and I wasn't sure yet about that.  Then she said she would feel better about endorsing the loan if someone else endorsed it with her.  I called the direct loan people to verify, but it is not possible to have two endorsers.  They really only need one and indeed having two just increases the risk to the family.

At this point, I felt like she was telling me without telling me directly that she did not want to endorse this grad plus loan.  I did not want to ask my married family because I felt that this is something I should ask my family of origin, but my mother in law agreed to endorse the loan without a second thought.

I think that this really speaks to my family of origin versus my married family.  My grandmother always had a rule to never have money dealings between family members.  She felt that it was too risky and could cause a rift.  It seems that this has carried on to the next generation.  Additionally, they have always said that getting a loan for ANYTHING (cars, houses, education) is a waste of money due to the interest.  Their philosophy has been if you cannot pay cash for it you just don't get it.  My married family is not that way and they often swap property, and help each other out financially.  I think that this is just a difference in family dynamics, and am not sure the term for it but I'm sure there is.  I do not feel that my mother in law will hold it over me that she is endorsing this loan or make me feel bad or shamed for it.  I do feel that my family of origin would.

I also feel somewhat let down by my family of origin, in that I have always felt this pressure to succeed, and yet when I have this opportunity they do not stand up to support me.  This really takes the wind out of my sails and wants me to just quit all together.  Why should I give them the bragging rights to say "my daughter is a doctor" or "my daughter is going to med school" when they won't even help me to pay for it?

I also feel that this is another way that my family holds itself back.  I think that no matter how well someone behaves there may be a time when one must rely on their family for financial support.  This is how families get ahead in the world.  I am thinking of a guy starting out and asking for a business loan to start a shop or something.  Yes, the American Dream is to climb up out of poverty and into wealth and success but I can't imagine Thomas Edison, Richard Murdoch, or Bill Gates doing this without even a little support from family members.  By not supporting me they would be essentially blocking my climb to the top.  Not sure what else to write about this.

Also inherent in this reluctance is the idea that I would get these loans and then run away to Canada and not pay for them.  My mother and aunt must think that this is something that I am capable of doing and would do otherwise they wouldn't bring it up.  What kind of person do they think that I am if they think that I would do this?  Are they just pretending to believe in me?  Do they really think I am just a slime bucket and are not telling me?  What do they really think of me?  They must think pretty low of me if they think that I would do this.

Conversely, my mother-in-law must believe in me greatly to cosign for this loan with-ought much thought to it.  She is past retirement age and has not had a great deal of financial wealth in her lifetime.  Yet, she believes in me enough to take on this great risk, and I am thankful to have her.

Also, I have gotten a lot of comments from my Aunt and Mother abut, "we are not rich".  Yes, I come from a lower middle class background.  But I think that richness is a state of mind.  This may be the fundamental difference between my philosophy and theirs.  I think that even if you start out "not rich" you can change that.  Just because you come from a family of factory workers and farmers doesn't mean that you are destined to be a factory worker or farmer.  That IS the American Dream after all.  I choose not to settle.


Am I acting entitled to think that they must support me in this?  I feel that I am being respectful of my mother's and aunt's world views and financial principles by not asking for their help any further, and not pushing this issue.   I hope I am not acting like a spoiled child.  I just see massive debt as a requirement to become a doctor.  That is how the system is set up and I can't change it.  That is just the way it is.

I will no longer be pursuing my family of origin to help me in financial matters, and will follow my grandmothers' advice to just not have money dealings with family and leave it at that.  It seems that she is right there is too much of a danger of creating a family rift.

MERP / ROSS vs. LECOM POSTBAC

A list of the positive attributes as I currently see them for both programs.  Ignoring the negative attributes.  I am assuming that I will be successfully completing either one of these programs.  I am not taking into account failure at either one of these.  I really think I will do fine and be successful in either one.

MERP / ROSS

1. Leads to MD degree which is more widely understood as "doctor".  
• While most of the civilized educated populace understand what a DO is, there may be some cases where an explanation is in order.  I would imagine that it might get tedious after awhile.
2. Could matriculate Med School in Jan rather than next September.
3. Being in total isolation from everyone and everything I now know may be a good thing.  Driving down to see people may be tempting at times and may take time away from my studies.  Not being able to do this might be a blessing in disguise.
4. Climate / location - I would much rather live on a tropical island than in an industrial city where in December it snows on average 23 inches.  I am also intrigued about possibly being able to experience a hurricane.  I LOVE Indiana rain storms and would like to compare the two.  Is that silly?  Also, when I would get to Dominica  I am excited to explore some of the natural resources/ nature trails, volcanos and scuba opportunities.
5. The opportunity to experience a new culture/ be out side of the US for awhile.  This is a unique opportunity to explore another country(ies).  One that I may not have again in my lifetime.
6. If you pass MERP, you start med school, with no need to re-apply or retake the MCAT. 
• With LECOM you are 'guaranteed' admission if you BOTH pass the program with a 3.0 (3.1?) GPA and a 23 on an MCAT you take within 2 years of matriculation.  ( I would need to retake the MCAT).  But, it has to be BOTH, one or the other won't cut it.  Overall, there is a slight risk that with LECOM I could not be offered acceptance to their DO program.

LECOM POSTBAC

1. Is a US medical school and thus would be easier to earn a residency spot.
2. Is a 7 hour drive from my family instead of a half day to a day plane ride.  Much easier to see people during breaks/ weekends.  
3. My family would rather I go here.
4. I feel more attracted to the DO model of medicine.  Namely patient centered medicine not just focusing on disease as an aberrant biological or neuro-physical manifestation but as a result of a lifetime of socio-cultural influence.  How can one expect to treat a diabetic patient when they go back to their community and are faced with a culture that promotes fatty and sugary foods?  How can a doctor effectively treat and medicate a patient suffering from Bipolar disorder when the patient's family view psychiatric medicine as not adequately tested and thus counsel the patient not to take it?  How does a doctor induce a patient to take a full course of antibiotics when the local culture advocates medication hoarding?  A disease does not form in a vacuum.  I would say that it is a minority of diseases that do not have a socio-cultural cause or influence. 
5. Abundance of the things we take for granted in the US such as clean drinking water out of the faucet, cheap food, cheap electricity, ready access to high speed internet, a car, (relatively) save streets and transportation to and from school..
6. A more organized, 'well kept ship'.  
• I have heard horror stories of sylabi being changed immediately before finals at Ross.  Recently, the current April MERPERs have said that they have been locked out of the study cubicles and student lounge area because of a construction project.  This is happening 2 weeks prior to their MINI exam 3, when studying in a quiet environment would be crucial. 
7. As mentioned before, LECOM being a US med school I could join the Navy to repay my student loans.
8. The Post Bac program is eligible for US student loans while MERP is not.  Ross is, but MERP is not.
9. Not sure if this should be an addendum to point #5, but I will be able to load up my car with all the things I will need for the semester and just drive up.  No need to finagle a printer from former student, no need to worry about being able to ship in printer ink.  I can bring with me much more of my familiar items. 
10. Access to doctors more readily
11. Cost, I can expect to be about only $250k in debt from LECOM rather than $350+ from Ross
12. As I understand it, they have a state of the art fitness facility. 
13. Another student who has attended both has said that the LECOM program prepares you the best to become a good doctor.  (I think this is probably the best point because isn't the ultimate goal to become a good doctor?)
14. The Post Bac program is a certificate granting program. So, even if the worst happened, I would have more initials to tack to the end of my name on a business card.
• MERP Is not a PostBac program.  MERP offers no certificate.  

***WILL BE UPDATING THIS LIST LATER AS MORE ITEMS COME TO ME***

Financial Aide and Ross

I have been frantically researching financial aid options for this upcoming quarter.  Here is what I have found so far.  First, the only Ross supported student loan programs are either Sallie Mae or Wells Fargo.  You cannot get federal student loans for the MERP program.  I was denied funding for both of these loan programs.  I have found an alternative source of funding for the MERP program, so it IS possible for me to go.  Namely, I will have to take the money out of my retirement fund.  I will only have the money to do this my first quarter, and then the fund will be exhausted.  This means that if I do this and cannot get Federal loans in January then I will have taken a very expensive and not very fun vacation. 

I called the financial aide office at Ross and they assure me that I should have no problem getting Direct and Graduate Plus loans in Jan.  I did a trial application for the Federal Plus loans and was denied, but they said that if I would have a credit worthy co-signer then I could get these loans.  At this point I am pretty sure that I will be able to get loans once I am in med school propper. 

As another source of funding, I am considering continuing to work at my job as an online A&P instructor.  (If they still have classes for me next quarter.  This will bring in some extra dollars.  If, at any time I feel that this is interefering with my MERP success then I will quit immediately.

I am taking a big leap here.  I am mostly sure but not 100% sure that once I complete MERP I will be able to get loans for Med School.

I also think that I can save up a little bit of money between now and then to supplement my income.

So, at this point I am 90 - 95% sure that I can pay for the program this fall.

Additionally, I called a rural medicine doc in Eastern KY which is where I intend to start practice once I am done.  He had gone to school in the Philippines and strongly encouraged me to go to school there.  He said that I would be able to get a Medical degree with about 2k in loans.  To me this seems really good, but I really DON'T want to go to the Philippines.  I think that all of the hurdles I will encounter at Ross will be doubled for a Phillipine school.  I do however want to maintain contact with this guy because I think it will be good to begin with the end in mind, in other words have contacts at the place I want to go after residency.

No Dice

I applied to several different lendors this morning,  Sallie Mae, Wells Fargo, 5/3 and Regions bank.  All of which denied me the $30k loan to attend the MERP program.  When I called Wells Fargo they said that unless I got a "parent" (doesn't have to be a parent) to get a parent loan for me where I am not the responsible party then I cannot get a loan.  I think that this is the end of my Ross journey.  Unless I can find a rich contributor, then I'm done. 

My husband suggested I try out PA schools.  I will start looking into those.

Navy and Ross

Just got off the phone with my US Navy recruiter. I faxed in forms to him last Saturday and he had some changes for me to make. He asked me about the med school ap process and I said that I had an interview with Ross last week. He then mentioned that since Ross was not LCME accredited that I could not use a navy scholarship there. I still could use federal stafford loans and private loans but this was one funding source that I was counting on. I also have aps out at several other do and md schools but I still feel that Ross is my best shot so far. It would really suck to get accepted only to not be able to pay for school. It would also suck even worse to go through med school, get loans, and then not be able to get into a residency because of not going to an LCME accredited school. The Ross website says that they have been deemed "LCME equivalent" at four different states. Which still means that they don't have this accreditation. Anyway this is something to think about as I move forward.