Finding an endorser for student loans

Due to circumstances which I do not want to specify here, I am unable to obtain Grad Plus loans myself without an endorser.  Endorsing a loan is similar to co-signing, if the loan holder skips town and fails to pay then you have to pay.  With the loans for med school being an estimated 250-350k that can be a lot of money for someone without a medical degree to pay back.  At the same time, these are government student loans and so you can get deferments if you are unemployed, in school, don't make enough money, etc...  The government has been very kind in working with me on repayment of my current student loans.  They are not loan sharks and will work with the student for repayment.  As I understand it currently, the worst that could happen is they would garnish wages and tax returns if you get behind.  I don't ***think*** but I could be wrong that they don't put liens on your property or reposes your vehicles, business properties, or home. (but I could be wrong or the rules may change in the future; and in fact I can't get a straight answer from them as far as what they do do when you totally skip out on student loans)

So, in order to obtain an endorser for my grad plus loans, I thought it most appropriate to ask my mother (closest family member) to endorse for me.  This ended up in producing several phone calls where she explained her own dire financial circumstances and explained to me how she could not repay the loan, and they would take away my step father's farm equipment, and how they would take away her retirement and kick her out of the nursing home.  Also, that she did not make enough money to pay back the loan.  I told her nevermind and then asked my aunt (her sister).

My aunt, at first said that she would endorse the loan and that is the time that I got the money out of my retirement to pay for MERP.  I wasn't going to get the money out without assurance that I could get loans upon arriving on Dominica.  A few weeks later, she calls me to say that the loan situation is keeping her up at night, and she wanted to talk.  I said sure, understanding that this is a big leap for her.  She first asked, what if I died, or was injured so that I could not work.  I then called direct loans to ask this because I wasn't sure myself.  They said that if I died the family would have to show them a death certificate and they would forgive the loans.  Similarly, if I were permanently disabled I would get a doctor's letter stating this and that I would not be able to work and they would forgive the loans.  I conveyed this to her and she seemed ok with it then.  Several weeks later I get another call that we must talk about the loan situation again.  She explained that she is past middle age and is just now being able to buy her own house and does not want to loose her house and is afraid that she would loose her house.  Also, she said what if I do not get into some of these primary care government programs that repay loans, what would I do then.  To this I said that even if I don't get into those programs then as a doctor I would still make more than enough to repay the loans.  She was then worried about what if I got into med school and decided that this was not for me, and then ended up with the loans what would I do then?  I assured her that I was not going into this lightly.  And indeed it has been my dream since at least high school.  Then I said that even if I can't stand to look at a patient there are lots of other doctor jobs such as working for pharma, writing, reporting, teaching, etc...  All of these pay the equivalent of a regular doctor salary (minus perhaps malpractice insurance).  She also asked if I would make enough money with mal-practice insurance.  I said it just depends on where I practice and my specialty and I wasn't sure yet about that.  Then she said she would feel better about endorsing the loan if someone else endorsed it with her.  I called the direct loan people to verify, but it is not possible to have two endorsers.  They really only need one and indeed having two just increases the risk to the family.

At this point, I felt like she was telling me without telling me directly that she did not want to endorse this grad plus loan.  I did not want to ask my married family because I felt that this is something I should ask my family of origin, but my mother in law agreed to endorse the loan without a second thought.

I think that this really speaks to my family of origin versus my married family.  My grandmother always had a rule to never have money dealings between family members.  She felt that it was too risky and could cause a rift.  It seems that this has carried on to the next generation.  Additionally, they have always said that getting a loan for ANYTHING (cars, houses, education) is a waste of money due to the interest.  Their philosophy has been if you cannot pay cash for it you just don't get it.  My married family is not that way and they often swap property, and help each other out financially.  I think that this is just a difference in family dynamics, and am not sure the term for it but I'm sure there is.  I do not feel that my mother in law will hold it over me that she is endorsing this loan or make me feel bad or shamed for it.  I do feel that my family of origin would.

I also feel somewhat let down by my family of origin, in that I have always felt this pressure to succeed, and yet when I have this opportunity they do not stand up to support me.  This really takes the wind out of my sails and wants me to just quit all together.  Why should I give them the bragging rights to say "my daughter is a doctor" or "my daughter is going to med school" when they won't even help me to pay for it?

I also feel that this is another way that my family holds itself back.  I think that no matter how well someone behaves there may be a time when one must rely on their family for financial support.  This is how families get ahead in the world.  I am thinking of a guy starting out and asking for a business loan to start a shop or something.  Yes, the American Dream is to climb up out of poverty and into wealth and success but I can't imagine Thomas Edison, Richard Murdoch, or Bill Gates doing this without even a little support from family members.  By not supporting me they would be essentially blocking my climb to the top.  Not sure what else to write about this.

Also inherent in this reluctance is the idea that I would get these loans and then run away to Canada and not pay for them.  My mother and aunt must think that this is something that I am capable of doing and would do otherwise they wouldn't bring it up.  What kind of person do they think that I am if they think that I would do this?  Are they just pretending to believe in me?  Do they really think I am just a slime bucket and are not telling me?  What do they really think of me?  They must think pretty low of me if they think that I would do this.

Conversely, my mother-in-law must believe in me greatly to cosign for this loan with-ought much thought to it.  She is past retirement age and has not had a great deal of financial wealth in her lifetime.  Yet, she believes in me enough to take on this great risk, and I am thankful to have her.

Also, I have gotten a lot of comments from my Aunt and Mother abut, "we are not rich".  Yes, I come from a lower middle class background.  But I think that richness is a state of mind.  This may be the fundamental difference between my philosophy and theirs.  I think that even if you start out "not rich" you can change that.  Just because you come from a family of factory workers and farmers doesn't mean that you are destined to be a factory worker or farmer.  That IS the American Dream after all.  I choose not to settle.


Am I acting entitled to think that they must support me in this?  I feel that I am being respectful of my mother's and aunt's world views and financial principles by not asking for their help any further, and not pushing this issue.   I hope I am not acting like a spoiled child.  I just see massive debt as a requirement to become a doctor.  That is how the system is set up and I can't change it.  That is just the way it is.

I will no longer be pursuing my family of origin to help me in financial matters, and will follow my grandmothers' advice to just not have money dealings with family and leave it at that.  It seems that she is right there is too much of a danger of creating a family rift.